What is Marriage?
Marriage is a public or legal declaration of commitment to each other. Its a commitment to stay together through good and bad times, raise children together, and help each other for rest of the lives. Its a commitment to refrain from infidelity.
What Marriage is NOT?
Marriage is not Romance, It’s not life long honeymoon, or celebrations, photographs, and it’s not Freedom at all. On the contrary, its a commitment and a responsibility.
Romance is the first thing that goes out of your life once you get married. When you have responsibilities and commitment, freedom automatically takes a back seat.
What Makes Marriage Necessary?
Family: Marriage is a necessity to starting a family and having children. So, if you want to have children, you must get married. Things have changed in the western countries but large part of world still does not approve of having children without marriage.
Society: In fact many people see it as a routine. You grow as child, study, start doing job, and get married. It’s what everyone does and so you must follow. Many people suffer from social anxiety when they see their friends getting married while they are still a bachelor. There is a fear that they may soon be too old for finding a good match.
Life Partner: Marriage also gives you a kind of reassurance that you have a committed partner to support through life’s ups and downs and that you won’t be lonely at old age.
Financial Security: Several people see marriage as an easy way to become rich. Most girls look for rich boys that could support them financially. Similarly, some boys search for a working girl that could help them in sharing lifestyle expenses. Some may expect a large amount in dowry.
Why Marriage is a Problem?
Expectations: Marriage is nothing but a commitment that brings loads of expectations from each other. Less mature couples expect even more. And that is the primary problem with marriage.
High Rate of Divorce: These days marriages don’t last long and therefore anyone seeking a lifelong partner in a marriage is making a mistake, especially in countries where divorce rate is over 40%. I am not against divorce. If a husband and wife really cannot live together, they should have the liberty to separate and live peacefully.
But its also important to understand the reality and avoid marrying in a society that is seeing more divorces than successful marriages. Afterall no sensible person marries to get a divorce one day.
Some smart people have already started looking for their spouse in orthodox, more spiritual, non-materialistic countries where success rate of marriage is much higher.
Stress: Contrary to the expectation of partner helping you in ups and downs of life and assisting you, in reality, marriage and children bring more stress, demands, responsibilities and restrictions in life.
The Meaning of Marriage Has Changed: Earlier marriage was not what it is today. Earlier, it was a symbiotic relationship like the one that exists between ants and acacia tree. Ants live in the acacia tree’s thorns and protect the tree from herbivores, while the tree provides food for the ants.
Now, if ants and acacia tree both start fighting the herbivores, then who will provide for food? And if both are capable of providing for food and fighting herbivores, then what’s the need for the relationship? This is exactly what is happening with urban population today. The only need left is for a companion at old age and that’s the reason most marriages happen in middle age these days. But such an arrangement is not marriage. One person, usually male, is the loser in such a relationship.
Is Marriage Really Necessary?
Freedom Lovers: Marriage is outdated for many of freedom lovers. If freedom is what you value the most, then marriage is not for you. Stay celibate and it will be easier for you to live in peace and enjoy life.
In Hinduism, sattvagun actually promotes staying single as then you can follow your mind and do what you want to do, without any influence from family members.
Relationship Lover: If you are not too obsessed with freedom and have an adjusting nature, then you have a good chance of finding a partner who may stay with you for life. Adjusting nature is very important here as you can not change anybody. You can only change yourself. This applies to both men and women.
What you can do to find a compatible partner? – Stay cautious of your karmas and live your life the right way. Leave the rest on omni-will or the divine power. It will happen if it is good for you.